Pressure

Most parents do not really understand this but their pressure most times leads to some stupid decisions their kids make.

My pressure to get married started 4 years ago. The need to see grandchildren from my end was much. “Go get married “ . “At your age you should have at least a child” . “See your mates and people younger than you are having children “.

Most times I wanted to bow to the pressure. In fact I did now to that pressure and almost made the greatest mistake of my life.

Thought if I couldn’t make them proud by making money I can at least make them proud by getting married. I was excited no doubt, but then I wasn’t sure I can do it.

The pressure wasn’t really much from my dad because he also got married in his late twenties but mum was always mounting the pressure.

Some nights I stay up and wonder to myself if it really was worth it. Yes my parents’ marriage was “goals” but I kept asking myself if mine will end up being like my parents.

Do I have the patience to endure this marriage? Will I have to adjust to his nasty behavior and some habits? What if he doesn’t like my snoring and teeth grinding? Will he complain about my weight later in life (because he complains sometimes though).

Almost lost my sanity because I wanted to please my parents. They were supportive though and promised to never stop being supportive but that wasn’t the assurance I needed. I need an assurance from him that we will be alright. But I never got that. I rather got a lot of issues everyday from my supposed fiancé.

Mum advised I endured it thinking he’ll change as time goes on. When will this change come…that I can’t tell and certainly don’t know.

A lot ran through my mind. Then I decide “all die be die” . I’d rather be a spinster in my father’s house than to be married and be broken inside.

No shame in being single. I’m single and I’m extremely happy with myself.
Will I get married someday “surely“.

When? I definitely can’t say for now. Just want to stay happy and alive.

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